Drinking Games & Girlfriend Rules

This weekend was the weekend for Beer Olympics, an event created by Boyfrand and his friends last year which you divide into teams and participate in events. Think elementary school field day meets Beerfest. So. Three teams (Team High Life, Team Keystone and Team Bud Light) took part in this years festivities. Boyfrand was on Team High Life and I made tshirts. See- I have marketable skills:

That's right. IRON ON LETTERS. Like a boss.

Overall, the event was a success. People were lit, games were played, fun was had. It never once hit me that this is the life I am putting myself into. Not that it was a bad thing in either direction, but I didn't put much thought into the fact that I was there in the midst of all this. All this which was really quite foreign to me. This is Boyfrand's life, not mine. Mine is that of a 9-5 job, a mortgage and a cat. His is one of everything I missed out on in my early 20s. Which honestly is probably a good thing as now that I am in my late 20s, I can deal with events that arise out of situations such as Beer Olympics. I can also deal better with the people who are involved in such things [READ: STUPID GIRLS] with more poise and maturity. Most of the time. Sometimes I just want to slap a ho. Okay, quite often I want to slap a ho, but the fact that I have aged with a touch of grace (thus far) keeps me from doing so. For example...

I have quite often said there are rules that bitches must follow regarding their friends' significant others. Most of them are obvious- don't make-out with him, don't discuss things of a certain nature in excess with him, and don't show him your tits. It seems, however, that the single girls who find themselves to be of the pretty variety sometimes have a problem with this. "What ever do you mean??" you might be asking. I mean there are certain girls- girls who get through life on being girls. With the hair, make-up, giggles and what not. They are prettier than average and they know it and use it. They are the ones that the phrase 'you can't motorboat a personality...' might be said of. Get my drift? Maybe sometimes these girls don't even know what they are doing, as they have done it for so long. However, when they do it in my general vicinity- I can only take so much. So I'm going to break it down for the ladies. Since you seem to have trouble figuring it out, I am going to HELP YOU.

WHAT NOT TO DO REGARDING A MAN WHO HAS A GIRLFRIEND

1. Don't touch him in that flirtatious, playful manner. You know the one: "Oh so and so, tee hee hee, you are SO FUNNY *touches arm*." If you do that, I will slap you. Because you deserve it. 

2. Don't mention anything about how hot he is. Because it's rude and uncomfortable. Seriously. Don't.

3. Don't discuss your sex life with him. That puts him in a weird situation and makes you look like a slut. And if his girlfriend finds out- she will not be pleased. 

4. Don't ask him how you look. Seriously? WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT? We get it. You think you look good and want to make sure he sees it- or are fishing for compliments because your psyche is skewed. Whichever reason, you suck for it.

5. Don't call him every goddamn day. It just is going to piss his girlfriend off and make you look needy, which you are- but have a little self-respect and self-control.

6. Don't ask him to stay at your place. Ever. Fucking seriously. Because that will guarantee his girlfriend to hate the fuck out of you and regardless of your reason for asking. I don't care if you are dying- unless the boyfriend in question has been your best friend forever (and even then just don't fucking do it), it's not acceptable. 

It is pretty frustrating when you have a female around that just doesn't 'get it'. Most of this shit is a 'big red truck' type of thing to normal girls. Or maybe it's just something about being single that makes girls utterly stupid and shallow and rude. I don't know. I can tell you one thing though; I would never fucking ever do any of the above shit- single or not, to/with/around a guy who had a main bitch, so I think some girls are just fucking cunts. Not that being a cunt counts as an excuse, but just go be one somewhere else. Please? Because I am really trying to be nice here and you are about 2.5 stupid-ass comments/missteps from being verbally raped by yours truly.

Now then. You go have yourself a pleasant fucking day.